If you hang around church long enough, you’ll hear older folks talk about “shacking up” but what does it really mean? From what I’ve gathered through debating this issue with older people (preachers included), is that it refers to a man and woman living together. I would also throw in the assumption that people of the opposite sex who live together must be having sex, and that’s considered “shacking up.”
If you read the welcome page, you know I’m not really one for tradition and old wives tales. The fact is, “shacking up” is not mentioned in the Bible, not once. I’m not really a stickler for specific wording, so of course the phrase “shacking up” isn’t going to appear. I’m referring to the concept of “shacking up”.
The Bible does specifically cover marriage (Genesis 2:24), rape (Genesis 34:13), adultery (Exodus 20:14), homosexuality (Leviticus 20:13), bestiality (Leviticus 18:23), incest (Deuteronomy 27:20), and prostitution (Leviticus 19:29), but never sex between a consenting, single male and female, where sex is not exchanged for profit. For the sake of what the Bible really says, lets check out the usual suspects.
- “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” – Exodus 20:14
- “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” – Matthew 5:28
I’ve heard the second verse used over and over again to support the “shacking up” position of older people in the church. So, lets take a look at the word adultery and see what it really means.
Adultery – voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse.
The only way that applies to a single person, is to inform them that having sex with a married person is wrong in God’s eyes. Since we now know what adultery is, lets look at the word fornication, since that seems to be where most congregations get caught up, and most Preachers haven’t bother to look, because they assume they know what the word means.
Fornication – voluntary sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons or two persons not married to each other.
It would seem that I have totally disproved my point. I guess that was open and shut. I also found these few verses to support the no “shacking up” position.
- “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” – Matthew 5:32
- “Ye do the deeds of your father. Then said they to him, We be not born of fornication; we have one Father, even God.” – John 8:41
- “But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;” – Ephesians 5:3
- “But I have a few things against thee, because thou hast there them that hold the doctrine of Balaam, who taught Balac to cast a stumblingblock before the children of Israel, to eat things sacrificed unto idols, and to commit fornication.” – Revelation 2:14
Not So Fast, We’re Not Quite Done
I wish things were that simple, then we could all just continue on our merry way. Too bad i’m not that kind of Minister. Lets look at the origin of the word “fornication” and see what happens. The word first entered the english language around 1303 A.D. and the original meaning was changed over time to back religious positions, such as the one we are talking about now.
fornix –> fornicatio –> fornication
That is the word’s history in a nutshell, from Latin to English. Both fornix and fornicatio have something in common that that word fornication doesn’t share with them, its actual definition, as it was intended:
fornix/fornicatio – a vault, an arch, vaulted cellar
As you can see, it doesn’t make much sense, that is, until you understand that arch ways and vaults are where prostitutes worked in ancient times. It had no original reference to unmarried, consenting, men and women. Further more, the Bible provides us with another clue as to its true intended use.
- “Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright.” – Hebrews 12:16
- But thou didst trust in thine own beauty, and playedst the harlot because of thy renown, and pouredst out thy fornications on every one that passed by; his it was.” – Ezekiel 16:15
Maybe I’m slow or maybe I’m taking the verse out of context, or maybe I’m the only one that notices that the word “fornicator” is directly linked to Esau selling something special of his that he was born with, in order to gratify the desire of his flesh (he was hugry). I might be looking too deep or other people aren’t looking deep enough. Lets see what else the Bible says about prostitution.
- “Do not prostitute thy daughter, to cause her to be a whore; lest the land fall to whoredom, and the land become full of wickedness.” – Leviticus 19:29
The reason the Bible talks about “prostitution” or “fornication” so much, is because it was a religious practice of almost every other culture. The Jewish nation was to be set apart (sanctified) for God. On more than one occasion in the Bible, God refers to Israel as an adulterous wife and committing fornication with other gods (Jeremiah 3:1).
If you want to read more on ritual and religious prostitution, click here.
He Who Is Without Sin Cast The First Stone
If you recognize those words, good for you. They are the words Jesus spoke when the Pharisees wanted to stone the woman caught in the act of having sex with a man (John 8:7). Quite a few people believe this was Mary Magdalene. If that is true, we have more evidence that it was prostitution that she was guilty of, along with adultery.
Neither of those involve two single, consenting, males or females that aren’t exchanging something of value in return for a sexual encounter. Its also important to note what Jesus says to her:
- “She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.” – John 8:11
Jesus didn’t raise the issue of the woman’s adultery or assumed prostitution, if it was indeed Mary Magdalene, but He does directly address adultery and possibly prostitution as a sin.
The Samarian Woman At The Well
In John 4, we read about a Samarian woman at the well. I’m not going to recap the entire story, but just make a quick point. Jesus and the woman have a conversation, and He asks her to go get her husband. She tells Him that she doesn’t have a husband, to which Jesus responds:
- “For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.” – John 4:18
What isn’t written is just as important as what is written. There are a few things not written here.
- Jesus didn’t tell her to go and sin no more like he did with the other woman.
- Jesus didn’t tell her she shouldn’t be living with that man.
- Jesus doesn’t say anything negative at all about her living situation.
If this subject was going to be made clear anywhere in the Bible, Jesus had prime opportunity to talk about it. Think about it, He started the conversation, and then only complimented her for telling the truth, while ignoring the fact that she lived with a man she wasn’t married to.
Sex And Dating In Bible Times
Lets assume I’m completely off base with everything above, this point would still be valid: Dating was different in Bible times. You didn’t go out, meet a nice girl, get her number, take her out a few times, and hopefully have sex. There were basically two options to sex in ancient times: Marriage and prostitution. Marriages were pre-arranged from birth or even before birth in some cases. You could definitely forget about living with an unmarried woman and not being an outcast. Samarian’s were outcasts anyway, so they weren’t bothered by the social norms.
Prostitution was a big deal in Bible times. Consider how many times there is a reference made to prostitution and fornication:
Harlot – 38 times
Whore – 13 times
Whoredom – 22 times
Fornication – 32 times
Fornicator – 2 times
Words pertaining to prostitution are mentioned a total 107 times in 66 books of the Bible.
So Can I Live With My Girlfriend/Boyfriend Before We Get Married?
Again, there are a lot of people that might not agree, but I don’t see anything in the Bible that forbids it, but anyone is welcome to point out a verse they think I might have missed. In my opinion, the fact that Jesus completely ignored the subject is reason for me to believe it wasn’t as important as we think it is.
What About Sex Before Marriage?
I agree with, but don’t practice the no sex before marriage position. With that said, people have the right intentions for all the wrong reasons. My position is based on STDs and unwanted pregnancy, not on some mythological verse that doesn’t exist in the Bible, at least to my knowledge.
I’m a realistic Minister that lives here in the real world. Abstinence is the best way to go, but if you’re going to have sex, make sure you practice safe sex.
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Welcome to my personal website. My name is Minister Dante Fortson and as you may know, I'm one of the few black Ministers that will touch the subject of the supernatural from a Christian perspective. Please feel free to browse the site and leave your comments. Thanks for visiting.
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